


The Vow

by esmehoe



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, Beautiful Golden Fools, Character Death, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:01:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22410682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esmehoe/pseuds/esmehoe
Summary: Cersei and Jaime reflect on their daughter.
Relationships: Cersei Lannister/Jaime Lannister, Myrcella Baratheon & Cersei Lannister
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	The Vow

They lay there next to one another, unmoving, silence taking over save for the sounds of the wind blowing lightly and the occasional murmur from the people down below the balcony. 

It was a warm night, the blankets lay over their legs that were uncharacteristically kept to themselves. 

Neither of them wished to speak, there was an odd sense of peace in the silence. As though, if they spoke of what was keeping them silent it would make it all come true. 

Neither of them had ever fancied silence. They’d constantly been surrounded by noise their entire lives. Silence was profound and heavy. Silence was the black hole that threatened them each time they faced their beautifully tragic reality. 

“Two.” 

Jaime turned his head from where he was staring at the canopy to eye the woman laying next to him. “Hm?” 

“Two. Two of them are gone. Two of our children are dead, because we couldn’t protect them.” 

He looked at her for a moment, letting her words settle over him. “It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known Cersei.” 

She shook her head as she rolled away from him. “But I did. I knew yet I was too naive to believe it. I was told years ago that this would happen and yet I ignored it until it was too late and now two of them are dead because my godforsaken naivety didn’t let me keep them safe.” 

He could see her wiping away her tears, the slight shake of her shoulders giving her away as she curved in on herself. 

He couldn’t help the anger that rose within his chest. He refused to believe that some deranged woman in the woods knew more about their children than they did. “None of that was true. Those words were just words Cersei. Words of a crazy woman who lived alone and enjoyed scaring children.” 

Cersei whipped around to face him. “But she was right wasn’t she? If they were _just words_ as you say then where are they Jaime? Where are our children? Why aren’t they here sleeping in their beds? Why won’t I ever see their faces or hear their voices or hold my children ever again?” She was yelling at this point, her legs had led her out of the bed and towards the window of the balcony on their own volition. 

“If they were _just words_ then why are Joffrey and Myrcella buried in the ground to rot until they’re nothing but bone? Why have I already begun to mourn Tommen because my time with him is only temporary? Why am I forced to count down the days I have left with my last living child? Why Jaime? Because of some feckless words  a crazy woman  spoke in the woods?” 

She was panting and crying and clutching onto herself as Jaime tried to process her words from where he sat up in bed.

Jaime spoke carefully as he cautiously walked towards the shaking shell of the woman he loved. “Tommen will not die.” 

Cersei scoffed as another tear fell, she didn’t bother to wipe that one. “Everybody dies Jaime.” She spoke quietly as he came to unwrap her arms from where they were scratching at her stomach. He quickly wrapped them around his neck before she could protest. 

“We will not let him die.” 

Cersei shook her head as she latched onto Jaime, she kept her eyes shut and clenched her hands into fists. She hated the way her body felt so weak, she hated the childlike whimpers that came out from her throat. 

“We can’t stop it, he- he’s going to die, our last boy will leave us just like the others. I- I can’t _do_ this again Jaime, I can’t.” 

Jaime stepped back to hold her face between his hands, the gold cooling her flushed cheek. 

“You won’t,” He promised. “Cersei look at me,” 

She was staring stubbornly at her feet, shaking her head that was held within his grasp. 

“Cersei please, just look at me.” 

She breathed in and out before looking up at the man who looked just as broken as she felt. 

“She was our daughter, she still is and she always will be. She lived happily, in a big warm castle with people who made her fancy dresses that she loved to twirl in and made her laugh. She was kind and brave and every bit as beautiful as her mother. Gods I wish you got to see her one last time, she looked so much like you Cersei.” 

She nodded her head with a sad smile as she urged him to continue.

“She was our sweet little girl who loved swimming in the ocean and eating one too many raspberry tartes, and she had zerointerest in _anything_ to do with riding or swords, _much_ to her mothers dismay,”

Cersei allowed herself a small laugh as the memories of her daughter flowed through her head. 

“She was intelligent and gentle and she loved her family _so much_. She was so excited to see you again. She didn’t blame you for being sent to Dorne, she loved it there and she loved that boy. Our little princess was in love and she was  happy.  Her time was cut far too short but at least she spent her time well, right?” 

Cersei nodded again quickly as she attempted to suppress the new wave of tears that threatened to fall. 

Jaime knew that his speech wasn’t entirely true. Cersei knew it as well. Myrcella was a privileged child, no one could deny that; she was rich and beautiful and loved. But she was also silenced and sold off without knowing the truth that her mother didn’t approve of such things. She was forced to live with the thought that her mother approved of her being shipped off to a strange land to marry a strange boy. 

The prospect of Myrcella believing her mother would subject her to the same horrors she endured ate away at Cersei. 

When Cersei received the letter from Jaime explaining how he’d be returning their little girl safe and sound, Cersei felt a light return to her flame. Her thoughts were filled with nothing but her daughter for weeks as she awaited her arrival. Not the new queen or her trial, not even her walk of atonement that tried so hard to creep into her thoughts. 

And then all her hopes of seeing her daughters face and apologizing for ever letting her go were shattered. The moment she saw the casket that lay so profanely in the small boat, she heard her dreams of reuniting crack.

And now, as Jaime held her and rocked her as she did with their children when they couldn’t fall asleep, she could still hear the cracking that hadn’t ceased since that day. But as she pulled Jaime closer and held on tighter, bit by bit she could feel his warmth mending her wounds. And it was then and there as she gazed up at the man that had given her, her three lost children, she decided that she would never let anyone crack her ever again. Not the High Sparrow or Tyrion or even Jaime. 

She made a vow to herself in that moment; no one would see Cersei of house Lannister crack ever again.


End file.
